I was on the cruise having dinner. Across the table was Dinesh feeding his infant-son Raunak. We were to go to a show that was going to start in the theatre in a few minutes. I was hurrying up. To my surprise (and a bit of irritation, might I add!) Dinesh showed no sign of urgency. I saw him happily putting morsel after morsel into the baby's mouth and dealing with the tantrums that generally come with such an exercise. He was savoring the moment.
At that point, it dawned upon me. What was I doing? I was continuously looking into the future. While I was having dinner, I was more worried about getting to the show on time. Once I got into the show, within a few minutes I would start thinking about what we were planning to do after that.
For me, life has become all about the next thing. Which is horrible. Because I am not enjoying what I am doing now. When I am having breakfast, I am thinking about getting to work. When I am in a meeting, I am thinking about what I need to do next. I have realized that I have reached such a stage that whatever it is that I am doing, my mind is actually half focussed on finishing that and then moving on to the next thing.
A similar thing happened when I was with my brother the week after that. He also pointed this out to me. So, it was confirmed that this was true. I needed to change!
Good thing is that I have realized that! Now, I need to do something about it. I have started working on it. I try not to focus on anything but the present.
A couple of days back, I did not wear my watch to work. I wanted to see if that would help. It did. The watch serves as a constant reminder about finishing off your current activity and moving on to the next. When I don't have a watch, it helps me to focus on the current activity without worrying about the the artificial deadline that I have created for myself.
I believe I need to take small steps like these to be able to change. But change, I must. I need to slow down the pace of my mind. I mean this in a good way. Not that I need to do less. I need to do the same things. I just need to do each thing more completely, being fully involved in it. If I am having my cup of tea in the morning, I need to do just that - with mind and body. If I am watching a movie, I need to do just that. If I am in a meeting, I need to be there fully - in mind and body.
At that point, it dawned upon me. What was I doing? I was continuously looking into the future. While I was having dinner, I was more worried about getting to the show on time. Once I got into the show, within a few minutes I would start thinking about what we were planning to do after that.
For me, life has become all about the next thing. Which is horrible. Because I am not enjoying what I am doing now. When I am having breakfast, I am thinking about getting to work. When I am in a meeting, I am thinking about what I need to do next. I have realized that I have reached such a stage that whatever it is that I am doing, my mind is actually half focussed on finishing that and then moving on to the next thing.
A similar thing happened when I was with my brother the week after that. He also pointed this out to me. So, it was confirmed that this was true. I needed to change!
Good thing is that I have realized that! Now, I need to do something about it. I have started working on it. I try not to focus on anything but the present.
A couple of days back, I did not wear my watch to work. I wanted to see if that would help. It did. The watch serves as a constant reminder about finishing off your current activity and moving on to the next. When I don't have a watch, it helps me to focus on the current activity without worrying about the the artificial deadline that I have created for myself.
I believe I need to take small steps like these to be able to change. But change, I must. I need to slow down the pace of my mind. I mean this in a good way. Not that I need to do less. I need to do the same things. I just need to do each thing more completely, being fully involved in it. If I am having my cup of tea in the morning, I need to do just that - with mind and body. If I am watching a movie, I need to do just that. If I am in a meeting, I need to be there fully - in mind and body.
Comments
I enjoy your writing, Kamal. Amazed that you know the truth about yourself.
You're an excellent writer with a good heart.